A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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