New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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