I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
