Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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