he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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