He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
