mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
