fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My dick has a subreddit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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