sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
