Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
