You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
