im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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