We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
