dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The best revenge is premature balding
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
