Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
