when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
