sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
