he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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