accomplished twins. life is a go
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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