You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
