I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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