I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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