I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize