then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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