I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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