I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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