I must be too annoying 4 u.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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