Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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