i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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