It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize