Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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