Cold hands, warm shart.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
