I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
