my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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