My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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