I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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