I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
