3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
