I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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