I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
