it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
