Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
