I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
