ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
