im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
