My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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