nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
