its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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