we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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