Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
