just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so let's talk penis.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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