hotel room ftw
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
