i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
