He passed out mid-signature
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
