Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this just has baby written all over it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
