I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
