I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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