so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
