all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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