just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
