Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
