I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish I only lived at night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
