This girl is more easily done than said...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
