was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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