they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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