So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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