he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
