Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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