I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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