What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
and eventually we just all took our pants off
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
