is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
