Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
