nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
