I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
