All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
