I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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