these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
