i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
