I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
