what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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