i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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