im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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