You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
