It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
